


Getting Better

by Oddly_terrifying_squiggle



Series: Connor Murphy and Evan Hansen: Two Dorks In love [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Evan likes trees, Fluff, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Therapy, This is just very cute and mushy, angst at the start, connor is confused, overall very fluffy, switching pov's, this is honestly a mess, tw suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 09:07:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15167330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oddly_terrifying_squiggle/pseuds/Oddly_terrifying_squiggle
Summary: Connor's suicide attempt failed. His parents made him go to a therapist in an attempt to help him. He was trying, he just wasn't very good at it. He met a boy during one of his assignments, who made him want to try harder.A.K.A a cute treebros oneshot, I tried.





	Getting Better

Connor’s suicide attempt had failed and he’d been in the hospital, in a coma, for the past three days. Once he finally awoke he felt his mother’s hug, something he hadn’t felt in years. She sobbed into his shoulder, relieved that he didn’t pass away. Larry scolded him for trying to take his own life, a few tears ran down his face, he was more furious than most times. Connor guessed that his father cared more about his family’s reputation than he did his own son. One of the reasons why he wanted to die. Then, Zoe and their mom got angry at Larry for yelling at Connor instead of being happy that Connor wasn’t dead. Larry soon calmed down and gave Connor a pat on the back with a “I’m glad you’re not dead, son”.

“ _Sure you are…_ ” Connor thought as he glared at his father.

Zoe gave him a small, relieved, sad smile for the first time in years. Connor may barely know anything about his sister now but he still cared about her and, no matter how much she denied it, she cared for him too. That was one of the few reasons he regretted his attempt at ending his life but there were still way more reasons why he should die.

 

When he was finally ready to return to school his parents decided to put him in therapy, in hope that he would get better and quit doing drugs. It barely worked but Connor was trying, at least a little. He may have thought he was worthless and lost hope on himself but seeing his family in the hospital that day made the smallest part of him want to try. On his first day back he was greeted by dozens of smiling faces from people that would normally either stare at him or never notice his existence at all. He didn’t even know these people. They didn’t know _him_ . Nobody did. They said they were “ _happy_ ” that he was okay. Once he finally, _finally_ , got to his locker he saw it was surrounded by flowers, gifts, pictures, candles and notes. He rolled his eyes as he pushed them away with his foot and opened his locker. He didn’t want these people’s pity, their fake love, their fake friendships, their fake care. They didn’t care about him, why would they? A single note fell out of his locker. Out of curiosity he picked it up and read it.

The note read “I’m sorry, I know I’m annoying and I shouldn’t have done that -Evan Hansen”.

Guilt filled Connor once he read it. Evan Hansen, the guy he yelled at and pushed for a stupid and paranoid reason. Connor was a jerk to him, Evan probably thought he was a freak. Why was he apologizing? Evan did nothing wrong, it was Connor’s fault. Connor should be the one apologizing. He probably screwed up his closest chance to have talked to someone, maybe even have a friend. All he ever did was screw up. He tried to ignore it for the rest of the school day. Connor got through the day, people actually acknowledged him today but he knew that they would forget about all this in a week or so. About him. He couldn’t help but notice that Evan had been avoiding him all day. Connor wanted to leave a note at his locker saying that he didn’t have to apologize, and he would…. If he knew where Evan’s locker was.

 

Once school ended Connor went straight to his room. He put his homework, which he was most likely not going to do, on his desk. He saw the letter he took from Evan. He really did feel awful about what he did. The whole reason he talked to Evan is because he read the first part of his letter and understood what he felt. He just snapped when he read about Zoe, he didn’t know why, he just couldn’t control himself. Why didn’t Connor just _ask_ Evan about it? Why did he have to get so mad? Connor tried to take his mind off of it and focus on getting ready to go to therapy.

 

Evan sat there, waiting for his psychologist to enter the room. He was slightly anxious but he had gotten more comfortable with him. This time he was more nervous than usual though, since he lost his last assignment. What if he didn’t believe him? What if he judged him? He finally walked in and Evan quickly explained what happened. The therapist was unsurprisingly understanding. He started explaining a new activity they thought could help.

“For the next few days we will be trying out a brand new activity. In this activity we will pair you up with someone else who is going through something similar to help you see that you are not alone. You will have to do other things in therapy with your partner, sometimes tasks, assignments and, when you trust each other enough, talking with a therapist in an actual therapy session. Today you will just be talking with your partner, getting to know each other and introducing yourselves.” he said in calm and comforting voice.

Evan started to get anxious and sweat at the thought of having to talk to a complete stranger “S-sir, I’m n-not really comfortable t-talking to new p-people…” Evan stuttered in response, rubbing the back of his neck.

The therapist reached out to Evan’s shoulder in a comforting manner and reassured him “Evan, I know this will help, but if you really don’t want to do this after a few tries, I’ll try to get you out of the activity”.

Evan slowly nodded, willing to try it, maybe it would be good to meet someone that might understand him. Although, what if they think he’s weird? What if no one will ever understand him? What if it just makes his anxiety worse? He quickly tried to shake the thoughts out of his head.

The psychologist recoiled his hand and said “Alright, Evan Hansen, you will be paired with Connor Murphy.” He smiled as he looked up from his clipboard.

Evan froze as soon as he heard Connor’s name. His face paled and his hands started to sweat as he thought of every possible outcome.

He gulped “C-C-Connor Murphy?... O-okay then…” Evan anxiously managed to stutter out.

 

Connor sat at the table, waiting for his partner. He had to admit, he was kind of nervous, maybe because he kind of… bullied… Evan… a little. He felt horrible about it. Evan is going to have to deal with Connor now. Why did Connor have to be such a horrible person to him? Evan finally arrived, distracting Connor from his thoughts. He sat at the small, round table. Neither spoke, Evan looked down at his hands as he nervously picked at his cast, he tried to make himself look as small as possible. Connor looked away too, the silence almost too much to bare. Seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours. They both wanted to die at this moment.

Connor looked up “Sooo… uhhh… hi…” he said quietly, finally breaking the silence.

“Hi…” Evan responded so quietly it was almost a whisper, not moving his gaze.

“L-look I’m sorry for pushing you… and taking your letter thing… and for… everything” Connor sounded sincere.

Evan looked up slightly “I-it’s o-okay, I n-needed to be c-called out” he stuttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

Connor realized how horrified of him this boy was “No you didn’t. I yelled at you because I’m a paranoid freak that-!” Connor started but Evan immediately cut him off “N-No! You’re not! You couldn’t help it… I get it, It’s okay.” This left Connor surprised, Evan sounded so defensive of him. No one had ever defended him like that. Evan realized that he just snapped at Connor and immediately apologized. Connor chuckled, trying to ignore the fact that this boy was kind of… cute. They kept talking for hours after that, to be honest they got along well.

 

During the next day of therapy they did the same thing, except they talked a bit more.

This time Evan brought a box of chocolates “H-hey, I brought chocolate. W-wellIdidn’tknowwhatkindofchocolateyoulikesoIaskedyoursisterandshedidn’t reallyknoweithersoIguessedand-”

Connor interrupted his rambling, “Shut up!”.

Evan quickly apologized and gave him the chocolate. Connor could keep denying it in his head as much as he wanted, but deep down he couldn’t help but think Evan was adorable.

Connor brought a chocolate to his mouth and ate it “Lucky guess, Hansen” He said with an slightly impressed look on his face.

He then noticed Evan was desperately trying to hold back a smile. Connor gave him a confused look.

“Y-You have c-chocolate on your f-face” Evan said pointing to his own face for reference.

A light pink tinted Connor’s face as he quickly wiped it off. Evan quietly and shyly giggled, making the other teen’s heart melt- Wait, no it didn’t. It definitely didn’t. Totally. He desperately tried to ignore the weird, unfamiliar _feeling_ and continue eating the chocolate this boy brought, continuing the conversation. Connor was mentally freaking out. What was this feeling? He didn’t understand. He had never felt this way before. He hated not knowing what it was. It felt like someone was grabbing his heart and squeezing it, it was horrible. Although, it also felt warm and fuzzy, a sort of longing desire that needed to be fulfilled. It felt comforting and safe. It was kind of lovely-- Wait, no it wasn’t. It was awful. He definitely didn’t want to be wrapped around in this feeling or start jumping around in excitement or start smiling and giggling uncontrollably like an idiot. Definitely not. He definitely hated this feeling. Totally.

He suddenly remembered the letter he brought for Evan “Oh, here, I brought this for you.” Connor said as he hesitantly handed the shorter boy his letter back.

“Thanks” Evan responded as he quickly took the letter from Connor.

Before they had to leave, Evan wrote on a piece of paper and held it out to Connor.

“U-umm-- I-if-- M-maybe-- S-so...th-thisismyEmail--Imeanyoudon’thave totakeitifyoudon’twanttob-but…u-umm i-ifyouwanttotalk...m-maybe--butonlyif youwant!” He rambled.

Connor took it and said, “I understood the words “my Email””, before he walked away.

 

Evan woke up early. _Really_ early. He tried to give in to sleep once again but to no avail. He laid awake in bed, thinking about his new friend. It was all he could think about, even if he tried to tear his thoughts away from him. He memorized all of Connor’s features. It’s not that he wanted to, Evan was just very observant. Connor’s hair was dark brown, wavy, it reached down to his shoulders, his bangs covering his right eye, and Evan thought it was most likely soft. His eyes were uniquely beautiful, they were a gunmetal blue, you would think they would be dull and lifeless but they were deep and detailed, full of sadness and rage but also a hint of soft and caring. His right eye was the one that really got his attention, it was different than the other one, the bottom right quarter was a honey brown, that eye was usually covered by his hair but Evan saw it on occasion. His lips were pink and seemed chapped, still seeming kissable though, they were thin but the upper lip was slightly smaller than the lower lip. His nose was covered with light freckles, almost invisible but still there. Evan felt a smile creep onto his face.

He suddenly sat up, realizing something. He got up and walked to the bathroom where he he splashed cold water on his face. He looked himself in the mirror and saw the blush on his face. There was no denying it, Evan was in love with the school stoner! He then slapped himself in the face because Connor was so much more than that. What if he accidentally told Connor about this? He would hate him. He would think he was  a weirdo, just like everyone else did. He would lose the one friend that didn’t make fun of him. He would ruin their friendship and his chance of at least having him in his life. Oh, why did he have to have feelings for this boy? Why did he have to have feelings in general? His thoughts were disrupted once his phone dinged.

 

Connor woke up earlier than usual. It was too early to be awake. The thought of Evan kept him awake. He just couldn’t stop feeling whatever this feeling was. He decided to get up and try to clear his head somehow. He just sat on his bed thinking of Evan’s short, light-brown hair, his blueish-grey eyes that were filled with emotion, his pink, probably very soft lips and freckled cheeks. He looked over at the piece of paper Evan gave him, then at his laptop. He walked over to his desk and opened it. He knew that if his family found out that he was talking to someone online he would never live to hear the end of it. So, he decided to make another Email account, just for Evan.

 

Connor made an account with the name “Connor.the.murph.@gmail.com”.

He wrote “Dear Evan Hansen, Hey, this is Connor Murphy. I know it’s early and you probably won’t reply to this, but I just haven’t been able to sleep and I was wondering if you wanted to talk. Sincerely, Me.”

Connor hit send and waited for a reply that probably won’t happen for hours.

To his surprise there was a reply, it read “Dear Connor Murphy, I haven’t been able to sleep either. I’d love to talk right now, I can’t believe we’re both awake! Sincerely, Me.”

They talked for hours but it seemed like minutes. Time flew by when they talked to each other. They only stopped because they had to get ready for school, which disappointed them both.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It’s been about two months of this, Evan and Connor had been Emailing each other and hanging out after school and therapy sessions. Connor had to admit that having a friend was nice. They got along greatly and, to tell the truth, Evan thought Connor was better company than Jared.

One day Connor caught Evan before he left school “Hey Ev, are you doing anything later?” he asked.

“U-uh no, I don’t have homework today” Evan responded with a smile.

Connor loved it when Evan smiled, specially when it was directed towards him. “Great, come with me, I want to take you somewhere.” Connor stated in a slightly excited tone.

Evan complied, his mom was working late that day so she wouldn’t know, he hadn’t seen his dad in years, and he was completely free today so, why not? They got into Connor’s car and drove off.

As they drove, Evan kept asking where they were going and Connor simply replied with “I’m not saying, Hansen”.

“Connor, are you driving me out here to murder me?” Evan joked, making a small laugh escape Connor’s mouth.

“No, Evan, why would I kill my only friend?” He responded with a small smile.

The car stopped in front of a small ice cream shop. Evan gave Connor a confused look “'A la mode'? An ice cream place? I did not expect this from you, Connor Murphy,” he joked.

“Well, this is the _first_ place I wanted to take you. I used to come here all the time with my family when I was little. We were the manager’s favourite customers, one time she let us take a whole tub home… I ate it all that night… my family was _pissed_ at me.” Connor replied with a slight blush as they got out of the car.

“Oh my God, Connor ate a whole tub of ice cream” Evan mused, stars almost appeared in his eyes.

Connor giggled as a response, causing Evan’s eyes to widen. He swore that the world just exploded and he was being sucked into another plane of existence because _Connor Murphy_ just _giggled_.

“I like sweets, sue me!” the taller boy uttered “The manager is a sweet old lady who started this business when she was in her late twenties. The ice cream is home made and the recipe is unchanged.”

They walked inside and were greeted by a smiling older woman. She seemed to have recognized Connor, which led to a very long conversation before they could order. Once they did, Connor got mint chocolate chip, Evan got vanilla with chocolate sauce and sprinkles. They paid, then went back into the car and ate the sweet treats as they headed to the next location.

“This is great, Connor!” Evan spoke with a mouth-full of ice cream.

Connor lightly laughed “I told you so!”

Evan wanted to ask something, but he was afraid that this might cross a line. It wasn’t his business to know, at all. He knew that this might make him angry. However, this is Connor, his only real friend, the one who actually understood what he was going through, the one that makes him feel accepted, and his boy-crush. He started to sweat slightly, he gulped and hesitantly decided to ask the question.

“...Y-you haven’t... b-been doing dr-drugs as much a-anymore, right?” He mustered the courage to ask the question, refusing to look at Connor.

Connor could see that Evan was anxious about asking said question. He had always been good at reading people, but when it came to this boy he was even better at it. He knew that whenever he stuttered he was nervous about something. The question took Connor by surprise but he heard the sincere concern in Evan’s voice.

“No. Honestly, since we became friends I’ve been working on that. You were the one that actually gave me he will to try. I’ve been doing drugs a lot less, almost not at all, thanks to you.” He replied in a soft tone, smiling brightly at the cute boy in the seat next to him.

He made Evan feel so especial, like he was actually important. Connor was so understanding of him. He was his best friend and he was always able to calm him down when his anxiety kicked in. Evan found himself staring at Connor, blushing. He swiftly looked away before the other could notice.

Connor stopped the car in front of a tall fence, he explained why they were there as they finished their ice cream, “This apple orchard closed down a few years ago. My family came here every weekend to have a picnic. It used to be the greatest time of the week, we had this little airplane we would throw around… but then I revealed my feelings and everything went to fucking shit! Now I just come here once in a while to calm down…” He saw the look on Evan’s face, it wondered if they would get arrested for breaking and entering “, And, no, it isn’t illegal to go in there, I do it all the time, besides, no one ever comes here.” Evan nodded in response.

Connor lead him to and opening in the fence where they could enter. Evan still felt nervous but he trusted Connor so he went with it. The view was gorgeous, it was filled with large apple trees, the grass was green and seemed soft. The orchard seemed to go on for miles. They set up a picnic in an open field framed with trees and began to shoot the breeze. The two friends quoted songs by their favourite bands, told jokes no one understood except them, and the talked and took in the view. It felt like they could go on for forever this way. They walked a while and talked about the things they’d do when they get out of school, like bike the Appalachian Trail or write a book or learn to sail. Wouldn’t that be cool?

Connor looked around “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” he stated as a light pink tinted his face.

This caught Evan off guard “Me too!” his voice cracked, a blush growing on his face as well.

After about a half an hour of walking a playful grin came onto Connor’s face. He began to race back towards their spot. He called out to Evan “Follow me!”

It took him a second to comprehend what was happening but he smiled mischievously and began to chase after his best friend. They raced each other as they both joyously laughed. Even though Connor had a head start, Evan did manage to win their little race. Connor never was great at running. They puffed out breaths while leaning against trees but they still grinned at one another. Evan stayed leaning at that tree, arms crossed while he looked at the sky, and Connor decided to sit on the blanket.

Connor’s thoughts started to race. He stared at the other boy, he’d hate to ruin what he has with Evan now. What if Evan would never want to see him again. Well, Connor knew he didn’t deserve his one reason for joy in life, but he just couldn’t let it slip out of his grip. What if he crosses a line? He just couldn’t hold it in any longer. He couldn’t bare what felt like a heavy weight on his shoulders. He took a deep breath and stood once again, walking over to Evan with an unconfident expression. God, he was so gay for this boy. He kept debating it and his thoughts kept flooding in, making him more anxious, his face felt as hot as an oven, he knew it was most likely also more red than a tomato.

Evan was teared away from his thoughts when he abruptly felt warm lips against his own. His eyes widened like he almost had a mini heart attack once he saw Connor above him. He was gentle, enough for Evan to push him off if he desired so. Evan couldn’t move under Connor, he was paralyzed. He was too afraid that he’d make the wrong move, that he’d mess this moment up completely. He noticed Connor seemed slightly hurt and was about to pull away. Evan realized what he was doing and desperately tried to elongate the moment. He started to close his eyes and move his arm once he started to kiss back, he melted under Connor.

Connor chuckled into the kiss when he felt Evan’s hand in his hair, shyly pulling him closer. He was overjoyed. They both were. They wished that they could live in this moment forever, that time just froze and they could be like this for the rest of eternity.

They parted away, slightly disappointed that the moment ended but still filled with joy, excitement and endearment. They held each other closely, faces extremely flushed. “S-s-so a-are we, like… b-boyfriends now?” Evan stuttered.

Connor smiled “God, you’re so fucking adorable,” He said, delighted as he cupped his now lover’s face and rubbed his cheek with his thumb, causing the blushing beauty to blush more ever so slightly.

“Y-you’re not helping!” Evan squeaked, looking anywhere except for Connor’s face, making his boyfriend laugh. “ _Boyfriend_ ” that sounded so nice when Evan talked about Connor. It felt right to him. To both of them.

They laid down on the blanket together, snuggling into one another as they took in the beautiful surroundings, “Just so you know, this was a date” Connor mumbled into Evan’s ear as he played with the shorter boy’s shirt. Evan nuzzled his face into Connor’s top “I-I figured that out when you kissed me.” Evan quickly muttered into Connor, his answer slightly muffled.

They stayed there for hours, cuddled up together, hands intertwined and talking about nothing in particular. They started to get drowsy as Connor listened to Evan ramble about trees. They wished they didn’t have to leave, to go home, to leave the other, even if it was just for a few hours. They dreaded the moment they had to get up and leave. They decided this could be continued another time. The ride home was pleasantly quiet.

 

Connor left Evan at his house and left for his own. Evan rushed inside, his mind and heart racing wildly. He was overjoyed, to put it simply. He wanted to jump around, squeal, fanboy, anything that would get the giddiness out of his system. His thoughts were so preoccupied by this boy that he nearly forgot to make food. He just couldn’t tear his thoughts away from him. He loved it though. He loved the feeling. He wanted Connor to be wrapped around him.

 

Connor arrived at home. He tried to be invisible and hurry to his room before his family noticed him. He wanted to be alone in his room right now so he could think about Evan in peace, to try to relive what happened earlier in his head. He was unfortunately called to dinner as soon as he walked in the door. He sat at the table, staring at his food and trying not to start smiling like an idiot. He was so distracted by his thoughts he barely noticed his family staring at him. They all seemed to notice that the teen was brighter than usual.

“Connor, I’m guessing therapy has been helping a lot. You seem happier.” His mother proclaimed in her happy and caring voice. She was clearly delighted by her son’s new mood.

Connor let a small smile spread across his face, “Huh? Oh! Yeah, I guess I have been getting better…” he almost laughed. He didn’t pay attention to his words, only his thoughts.

 

When dinner was finally over he almost sprinted to his room. He didn’t know when he started to accept his feelings for Evan, but he didn’t care. He was just eccentric about his current situation.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------

 

Life went on as it normally did.

Except, the two outcasts weren’t alone anymore.

They had each other now.

 

Currently, they were fast asleep on Evan’s couch, Connor’s arms were protectively wrapped around Evan, the sound of a movie that Connor insisted Evan needed to watch in the background. Evan’s mom was working the whole night due to an emergency so they didn’t have to worry about getting caught. The boy lying next to either one was the one that changed his life for the better.

 

They knew they would never be alone again.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic on here, oh man. Anyway, I apologize if it's not very good, please don't leave any rude comments!


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